A few nights ago I had a dream about this guy I knew. My ex-tennis coach to be exact. He was only doing it for the few bobs really, but out of every single tennis coach I have had, he is by far my favourite. He was a cool guy. And I dreamed about him. I dreamed about hugging him in front of all my peers. I don't know what that means. I'm not big into the whole interpreting dreams thing, but to me, it's like it's telling me that I miss him, and that I want to be close to him again.

He moved away, to foreign lands, so i no longer see him. But now I know other people; others who have followed in his footsteps in recent times. And I'm worried I'll lose them too. What sucks so much is that I'm not best friends with them, because I can't be. Who am I to them? Compared to everyone else they've left behind, who am I to be the one Facebooking them or on MSN to them? They leave, and you can't do anything else. Try and talk to them as much as possible and you look a bit stalkerish and desperate, because they're not your best friend.

And like that, they're gone. People you may have only just been getting to know. For me, it's only just starting. People you wanted to get to know so badly just disappear off into the sunset. College draws people like magnets. This time next year I'll be thinking about what to put down on my CAO form, and this time two years, alot of my friends will have gone their separate ways. It's a scary thought.

It feels like only yesterday that friends were made and lost in seconds; that school meant a day of playtime; and all my problems and drama didn't exist.

Who should you trust? Do you give everyone the benefit of the doubt and hope for the best that they don't mess you around? Or is it better to be suspicious of everyone around you, and miss out on some wonderful people and experiences, but never really get fucked around?



It's something to think about. Like when a person acts as if they like you, but deep down you have some feeling that they're not being completely honest with you; that they're only trying to mess with your mind. But you only think this because that person is so damn nice and cool that you don't think you deserve them, that you believe you're not good enough for them.

Another little part of your brain, no, heart, is explicitly happy at the fact that they seem to like you, or at least that's what they claim. You want to trust them more than anything in the world. You want to believe that you are actually friends, and it makes you happy. Happy because they're happy, because you're happy.

Unless you want to spend your life miserable and alone, blocking everyone out, and not willing to let anyone in, then you're just going to have to take a leap of faith and go with your instinct. If your gut feeling is that this person is really messing you around then trust yourself. But heartbreak and tears are all part of life. You wouldn't know who your real friends were without them.