I got up early, had a shower, a slice of toast and went to town with my mum. I went for coffee with her and then wandered around. Ran into her later in H&M and she bought me an amazing grey jacket. This made me happy.

None of my friends were coming in I thought, but then I text Caroline and she was around until her French grinds at 2. So we went for coffee in Gusto. By 'we went for coffee' I mean she had a coffee and I sat there watching her learn her French vocab. I used to really love Gusto, but in recent weeks Cork Coffee Roasters has taken over. Nowhere can compare.

Caroline went off to French grinds so I went looking at grey jackets in various shops to make sure there wasn't something better (and cheaper) out there. There wasn't. Then Liam came in, and as I was going to meet him, Hannah came in, so we met him in Tesco and went for lunch in Tribes. I hadn't been there in so long. Last time was the for the most recent Coolaboola meeting. It's Coolaboola's official meeting place y'see. I like Tribes. Despite the fact that it's ridiculously expensive for what you get, it's all cosy and warm and homely and comfortable, and you can just hide away from the world and never come out.


When we finished there Hannah and I went shopping with Liam. To Dunnes. Dunno if you call that shopping but whatever. Caroline came to meet us, and form there we headed to Penneys but it was way too busy so we left and went to Cork Coffee Roasters. This is becoming an increasingly common pattern in my life. We sat at that little counter for about 2 hours, probably more actually, only getting up to order coffee / use the facilities, although Hannah and Caroline did leave at one point to go to H&M and Liam went across the road for a few "messages" before we ordered.

Just as we were sitting down with our coffees we noticed a Garda walking up the street towards Centra. I have a bit of a thing for men in uniform so, naturally enough, I kept an eye on him. He went up to this group of teenage knackers who were congregated outside Centra. He took one of them aside, who had a can in his hand. We watched the boy's heart break as he was made pour the can out on the street, and was then made hand over the other three cans in his pockets. And along comes this old hobo, and the Garda gives the hobo the three cans who proceeds to pocket them, and walk back the way he came, slowly but surely. Everyone in the coffee shop was watching this event and laughing; the guy who was working there even came down to the window for a gawk.

But it was just so nice in there. It's such an amazing place. You go in there and it's a different world. The best coffee ever, the friendliest staff, the cutest decor. The place is full of superlatives I tell you. We talked about everything and anything, whiling away the time as the rest of the world moved on outside, sometimes covered in a blanket of rain.


Eventually we managed to tear ourselves away from the place. A bit of a culture shock was in store for us because Caroline wanted a fecking footlong sub, so Liam and I waited downstairs for them, commenting on the dismal sight of the recently shut-down Romeos. That place was only open for about a week (slight exaggeration). We took a stroll to Tesco, passing the gangs hanging around outside, and bought some cheap-ass Coke and a big bag of McCoys salt & vinegar crisps. Savings galore we got.

Together we headed down Careys Lane to the bus stop, loaded with bottles and Coke and crisps and clothes and bags. That's a really cute street / lane actually. It's all narrow and pretty and historical and musical. What more could you want from a lane? We got onto a lovely double decker number 8, sitting in the 'upper saloon', always in the back of our minds that we may topple over at any second. Thankfully, to date, this has not happened.

We got off the bus at Bishopscourt Green and walked back, passed the cop shop Garda station and up the hill to Niamh's gaff. The rents are away in NY, so like any normal teenager, she decided to have a gathering, which obviously turned into more of a party than a gathering. You know when you put "Bring your own drink!" in the text it's never going to be just a gathering.


So it all started off ok. There was a nice selection of crisps and chocolate and sweets, along with a few bottles of coke, just crying out to be mixed with vodka. Hannah, Liam and I were the only ones who had managed to get some "messages" so the others were waiting for those with the fake IDs to come along. They came along, and the rest, as they say, is history.

That is until some random guys who weren't invited turned up and forced their way in through the back. Things got a bit noisy and messy, tensions were raised and a punch or two were thrown. The house was a wreck, random guys started fighting, but out came our tae-kwon-do heroes to save the day as people were ordered to leave.

But not before the neighbours came in. As I stood in the kitchen I suddenly noticed two people about 25 years older than everyone else in the house standing and staring at the utter mess of the place. Our black belt-ers forced more people out, and then the word spread that the Gardaí had been called. Fuck. Caoilfhionn and I sourced some refuse sacks and began clearing up every single bit of evidence. Two stuffed bags later the place looked alright, and we went making sure everyone who shouldn't be there were gone. I went and checked on Niamh who was being looked after in the utility room / bathroom. More people came in saying "Oh it wasn't my fault. I was only helping. Is everything ok?" "Yeah, everything's great. Thanks for stopping a civil war from breaking out. You're great. Can you leave now?". We rescued the dog from some guys who came round the back, kicked the last few people out, and locked all the doors.

I still don't know whether or not the Gardaí came, but if they did, they didn't come inside. We profusely thanked the neighbours for coming in and assured them we'd be fine. Once the majority of people had left the rest of the portay-goers went into the living room and watched some ridiculously horrendous X-Factor Uncut type show. Or maybe it was Who Wants To Be A Millionaire actually. Yeah, I remember a question about Blakjack and Blackball, or something to that effect. Instead I decided to go get the hoover out and clean the gaff. I do remember Liam being out with a spray-bottle of Dettol at one stage too to be fair.


After the place was all clean we went into the living room and sat down, analysing the night that had been. All us 'girls' were there, and randomly, in the middle of us all, who else but Liam. Sitting there on the couch with a blanket over his legs and the dog on his lap. That boy...I swear to God. But in the good way :). I made some tea. Then Ashling put on pizza and chips. And we crowded around the kitchen table tucking into the Tesco Value tomato and cheese pizzas and oven chips.

This is the stuff dreams are made of.

A few nights ago I had a dream about this guy I knew. My ex-tennis coach to be exact. He was only doing it for the few bobs really, but out of every single tennis coach I have had, he is by far my favourite. He was a cool guy. And I dreamed about him. I dreamed about hugging him in front of all my peers. I don't know what that means. I'm not big into the whole interpreting dreams thing, but to me, it's like it's telling me that I miss him, and that I want to be close to him again.

He moved away, to foreign lands, so i no longer see him. But now I know other people; others who have followed in his footsteps in recent times. And I'm worried I'll lose them too. What sucks so much is that I'm not best friends with them, because I can't be. Who am I to them? Compared to everyone else they've left behind, who am I to be the one Facebooking them or on MSN to them? They leave, and you can't do anything else. Try and talk to them as much as possible and you look a bit stalkerish and desperate, because they're not your best friend.

And like that, they're gone. People you may have only just been getting to know. For me, it's only just starting. People you wanted to get to know so badly just disappear off into the sunset. College draws people like magnets. This time next year I'll be thinking about what to put down on my CAO form, and this time two years, alot of my friends will have gone their separate ways. It's a scary thought.

It feels like only yesterday that friends were made and lost in seconds; that school meant a day of playtime; and all my problems and drama didn't exist.

Who should you trust? Do you give everyone the benefit of the doubt and hope for the best that they don't mess you around? Or is it better to be suspicious of everyone around you, and miss out on some wonderful people and experiences, but never really get fucked around?



It's something to think about. Like when a person acts as if they like you, but deep down you have some feeling that they're not being completely honest with you; that they're only trying to mess with your mind. But you only think this because that person is so damn nice and cool that you don't think you deserve them, that you believe you're not good enough for them.

Another little part of your brain, no, heart, is explicitly happy at the fact that they seem to like you, or at least that's what they claim. You want to trust them more than anything in the world. You want to believe that you are actually friends, and it makes you happy. Happy because they're happy, because you're happy.

Unless you want to spend your life miserable and alone, blocking everyone out, and not willing to let anyone in, then you're just going to have to take a leap of faith and go with your instinct. If your gut feeling is that this person is really messing you around then trust yourself. But heartbreak and tears are all part of life. You wouldn't know who your real friends were without them.

I have tried. I really have. All the quotes are written out, divided in to sections depending on how you would use them, along with a point about each one. I have read over them time and time again, blocked them with a page, tried to say them spontaneously, and listen Ms. Whelton, I CANNOT REMEMBER THEM. Ok?

I have also learned three chapters of Business, and French vocab, and frankly, I don't care about those quotes. I'll know a few important ones by the time the Leaving comes around, and I'll get by with those. Fridays have just morphed into Test Days. Sigh.

This week has gone pretty quickly actually. Christ I never thought I'd survive when I was getting up on Monday morning, but here we are, almost at the other end. Weekend doesn't look too bad. Niamh just text we there and invited me to her gaff gathering on Saturday night. I really do love parents who go off on holidays / breaks and leave their kids at home so they won't miss any of the all-important fifth year.

We had this interview thing in school today for the School Bank Team. I applied for Bank Manager but there's not a hope in hell that I'll get it. Not that I care, because to be quite honest, the bank is always an Epic Fail (with capital letters, yes) and I have enough as editor of the magazine. Interview wasn't bad, but I didn't really get to show off all my achievements and whatnot as much as I'd have liked. I mean, I could have talked for aaaages about Kinsale Arts Week, but when I mentioned all that gig stuff she told me I was an 'arty type' and into 'theatre'. That's obviously not bank manager material, but it made me think about what I really am supposed to do with my life; like what am I born to do? I didn't have any major revelations, just more questions. All I have these days is questions...

I want to go to bed know, and curl up with 'My Sister's Keeper' and read until my eyes will no longer stay open.

Oíche mhaith.

(Photo taken from http://golez.net - Check it!)

Some Wednesdays are absolutely horrific. Despite the fact that we get a half day, it's not a whole lot of good to me seeing as I can't get a lift home for an hour and a half after I finish. Which just isn't good.

Today though, today was nice. Non-uniform day at school for a start, although it proved to be quite annoying due to my too-big jeans. My friend, Aisling (although I don't call her this. I call her Botch. She calls me Botch.), was going to town so I said I'd join her. After a little spot of embarrassing running between bus stops either side of my school I managed to get on the bus, albeit slightly out of breath. Not to worry. Although I was worrying about the fact that the bus was packed and every window was closed. Anyway..

The two of us went to tkmaxx first to go to the bathroom for make-up-putting-on purposes and whatnot. The bathrooms are pretty nice and big enough with shiny black tiles and circular mirrors. But we went down the steps, and to our horror, discovered that you now have to pay 20c to use the bathrooms!!! We just stood there, stunned, going ohmygod ohmygod when a man came over and put the 20c in for us. Weird, in the creepy way. Not good.

We had a little stroll around and Botch bought some nice blue tights, we passed the cute guy from O2, she then got some credit, we passed Rich singing Heyday, and finally got to Cork Coffee Roasters. Free coffee for me with my loyalty card (YaY!) and a scone. Nice chat. Bus home (and not on my own). Nice dinner. My Nana brought cakes over. Not a bad day.

And now that Wednesday is over we're on the home straight for the weekend. Just two more days left. I have an interview for School Bank Manager tomorrow though. It's only going to take about 5 minutes but ugh. I kinda have enough on my plate so I'm contemplating coming across seriously incompetent tomorrow. Maybe, maybe not.

I'll finish up now before you fall asleep and sue me for damage to your keyboard from your head falling on it.

Slán.

I am sitting at home on the couch. Pure bliss. Well, relatively. Another Monday has come and gone. Funny how during holidays, Mondays are the best. Like last Monday I felt like the rest of my life lay ahead. I mean, seriously, a whole week. School would never come around, right?!

Mondays tend to go pretty fast anyway because I've a double business, and classes are 5 minutes shorter than the other days. Got two tests back today. The bad news first: 86% in Maths. Now for the good news: 100% in Chemistry. Woo! Science rocks...

Right now I want to find some of that chocolate that my brother got trick-or-treating at the weekend, but my mother has hidden. Lovely, just lovely. I can have an orange, or a cracker with my cup of coffee instead. How appetising.

I like how it's dark so much earlier now, but I hate how it's brighter in the mornings. Mornings should be dark and sleepy, not bright and happy. This morning, I couldn't remember whether my dad had woken me or not, but my door was open, so I figured I had been roused. I went to switch on my lamp and my aunt who's staying with us appeared in the doorway with a cheery "Good morning!" I am very sorry, but that is just NOT something a person who wishes to continue their life on this planet says. I could have shot her. It is just plain wrong. She shouldn't even be up and dressed at that hour, not to mention bidding us all a good morning. Grr...mornings = dark, depressing, quiet, moody, tired. Got that?

I haven't had a day off school in ages, where everyone else is out, and a day that I don't need to have a shower coz my hair looks good anyway, and I can just cuddle up under my duvet on the couch and watch crappy daytime tv. Even at that, it's more the thought of it than anything else that's appealing. If I do have a day off, I prefer to get up and make the most of it. Generally, I tend to go to town at the crack of dawn, purely because I need a lift to the suburbs with the 'rents, and I wait around for a few hours until my friends come in. Not as bad as it sounds, I swear.

I still have my Biology homework left to do, and then maybe a weensy bit of study, and then a shower, and if I've time, I might actually open that Theory Test handbook. I crave freedom.

So our mini-summer has been and gone. When we left school on that joyous Friday after a horrific Maths test, it was but merely autumn. We return to its doors having walked through winter winds. Only 6 weeks now 'til Christmas exams and then the whole holidays thing will start again.

Mid-term really did surpass many expectations. I went out a good bit, and didn't spend EVERY waking second with the exact same people. We spent sleeping seconds together too! Nah, it really was a good week, and Christ did I need the break. I had my plans to do my homework the first weekend and then a little bit of study each day, but we only make plans so we can go against them and then feel like we've actually done something worthwhile.

I've my written homework that's due tomorrow done, but haven't even begun learning those stoopid quotes from Hamlet. May as well learn the whole play the amount we're getting. I'm not going to freak out about school anymore; I'll survive.

I played alot of guitar over the past week, which was nice. It's been a while since I've learned new songs and it's a damn good feeling. Bought a new capo too which is easier to change, and is ten times better seeing as it raises the pitch evenly instead of having everything all over the place. I'm still using the first pick that I got with the guitar. It's a nice soft, pale grey Dunlop one with little bits of dents in it from being used so much. I have others, but they're alot harder, more for the ol' electric when I'm jamming on a Sunday with the band. =P

I wish I didn't have to go back to that place tomorrow. It has been SO good to just be able to forget about it for a week and not have to wear that uniform, or sit in those horrible hospital-coloured classrooms and count down the hours 'til I can leave. And now we return to results from those tests last Friday and "back into the swing of things" again.

I cannot wait for Saturday when I will go for coffee in Cork Coffee Roasters and get a free coffee with my full loyalty card. Or perhaps Friday afternoon.

It's going to be a long week.

It's not a holiday I exactly count the days down to each year, but I really did enjoy yesterday. I spent Friday night googling various forms of the phrase "easy halloween costume ideas" and did come up with a good few possibilities, but in the end I went with a cowgirl. How riveting. It was easy though. I just wore a denim skirt, tank top, check shirt, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. Done.

Town was kinda fun yesterday because everyone was in a, like, Halloween spirit if that makes sense. Queues outside mmmad costume shop ffs. Seriously, kids these days have no creativity. Got FREE lunch in town yesterday too with my full Wholy Grain loyalty card, so I got a cajun chicken sandwich with mixed peppers, red onion, grated cheddar cheese and jalapeno relish on white. Savage. My next coffee in Cork Coffee Roasters shalll also be free. I love my loyalty cards.

So we went to Aoife's Halloween party anyway. Good laugh in fairness. A load of people came in the end and it was just a fun night in general. No major shit went down, which is nice for a change, and it was a helluva lot better than Internet / X Factor (which I don't even watch but I'm throwing in here so it has some relevance to what everyone's talking about these days) / wandering around in the dark.

School tomorrow. Death. Midterm went waaaay too fast, and I haven't even started my homework yet, which I should reeeeally get around to one of these hours now. So much for my study plans for midterm anyway...